30 Days of Truth: Your Maker is your husband.

Day 19:  Your Maker is your husband.

For your Maker is your husband— the Lord Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. Isaiah 54:5 NIV

A note from my journal:  November 25, 2012  God Speaks 

How was I feeling this morning besides COLD?  I was feeling sad, isolated, and alone. He went away on his hike, and I went to church by myself with the kids. On the way, I had this conversation going on in my head about how I am not going to get through this with him, and I am not sure why I even told him.  He said several times last night that he was not the victim, I was so he couldn’t grasp or understand all this entails.

Yes – so A L O N E would be a good way to describe my identity this morning.  When I was in Sunday School for whatever reason, this chatter was still loud in my head, this struggle. “I did not need to burden him with this in the first place – He can’t really help in this situation!  What to do??? Why did I tell him?”

Then, in the worship service – ANXIOUS – would be an understatement.  They played my song again (HUNGRY – Falling On My Knees) and it made me cry.

I opened my Bible and just read as if it was just me in the Sanctuary…and I read it over and over and over.

Isaiah 54:4-8. Do not be afraid.  You will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace. You will not be humiliated.  YOU WILL FORGET THE SHAME OF YOUR YOUTH and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.  (5) For your MAKER IS YOUR HUSBAND – The LORD ALMIGHTY is his name – The HOLY ONE of ISRAEL is your REDEEMER.  He is called the GOD of all the earth.  (6) The Lord will call you back AS IF you were a WIFE DESERTED AND DISTRESSED in spirit.  A WIFE who married YOUNG only to be REJECTED, says your GOD. (7) For a BRIEF moment I abandoned you BUT WITH DEEP COMPASSION, I WILL BRING YOU BACK.  (8) IN A SURGE OF ANGER, I HID MY FACE FROM YOU FOR A MOMENT – BUT WITH EVERLASTING KINDNESS I WILL HAVE COMPASSION ON YOU says the Lord YOUR REDEEMER.

The takeaway:  No one can take this away.  Not my husband, and not even my counselor.  THE HUSBAND who will Redeem me is Christ. While I still think it will help for him to understand and know – he is not in any way going to even know how or have the power to MAKE ME FEEL BETTER, and I should not expect him to… which is a HUGE relief for him.   As for me, I am going to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and like the poem Footprints when there is only one set of prints MY REDEEMER will carry me through the hot coals and PROTECT ME.

P.S.  I believe that the Bible is Living and Breathing and it is how God Speaks into us.   I have study Bible’s and Commentary’s – but I really struggle with them because I will easily let someone else’s words be my takeaway. Lately,  I have heard His Word speak directly into my spirit and my life, and I have to believe it is because I am learning to REALLY TRUST Him.

Because the One who made you will be your husband; the One called Commander of heavenly armies Will set you right again, the Holy One of Israel. It’s not for nothing that He is called “God of all the earth. Isaiah 54:5 VOICE

How Great Thou Art

Deuteronomy 4:9 I was a hot mess in church today.

It’s been a while. It used to happen almost every Sunday. I would stand there during worship and just move my lips to the words and sob. I was hardly able to utter a sound because my heart was fragile.

It didn’t take much to send me over the edge: songs, verses, flashbacks, memories.  One minute I would be fine and the next minute not at all. Sometimes the tears stopped as quickly as they started. Other times, they poured and poured.

It mostly happened on the second pew in church on Sunday’s and on Thursday’s on the couch in my counselor’s office. Both eventually became the safe places where I was able to get in touch with those tender places with Jesus and receive healing.

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Washed White As Snow

Though your sins are scarlet , you will make them as white as snow. Isaiah 1:18 NLT

I sat at my desk by the window, and opened my laptop.  Instead of typing anything, I just stared at the blank page and the blanket of snow outside.  The snowflakes were dancing to the song “Like An Avalanche” by Hillsong.  With a single candle burning, I paused in that moment to Thank Him for His grace. I thanked Him for taking my blood red sins and making them white as snow.

I never thought it would be possible.

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Be Still and Know

Be still and know

My word for 2016 is KNOW, as in be still and Know that He is God.

I wanted to spend time in the Word studying His character and His attributes. I studied, but it feels like I spent most of this year in a classroom or lab learning these truths hands-on. When I was absolutely terrified, overwhelmed and so very sad, I was reminded to Be Still and Know. I had to learn to just let go, and completely depend on Him and trust Him.

That’s not easy for this type A, control freak, and take charge kinda girl.

I know He knew what I would face in 2016, and through it all, I am thankful that I had this gentle reminder to focus on…  “Be Still and Know that I am God.”

For the month of December, I’ve been doing the Names of God Bible Reading Challenge with Rachel Wojo.  It has been powerful to focus on these names, and to let them sink deep not only into my heart but also into the heart of the little girl inside of me.

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