Truth 22: I believe; help my unbelief!
We were watching the video from the Bible Study of Daniel by Beth Moore. At the very end she began to talk about how “we are holy vessels and sometimes our holy vessels have been used to toast an unholy cause.”
Then, she had us stand and repeat a powerful declaration of Holiness over our life. It was incredibly hard for me to repeat the words. I could barely move my lips.
I didn’t feel holy, and I certainly didn’t think of myself as a holy vessel.
I just wanted to sink through the floor and escape. When it was over I abruptly ran to my car and left. I collapsed over the steering wheel sobbing, and I prayed out loud:
“I believe you in my head but please help me to believe you in my heart. I don’t feel it at all and I want to so desperately. Help me to believe you. Help me to believe. Please help me.” This was the first time I recall speaking the words aloud as I prayed the same prayer as the father who was asking Jesus to heal his son in Mark 9:24 (NIV):
I didn’t feel holy, but I felt like He wanted me to believe it and to live as if it were true.
I believed He was going to show me how, and give me the faith required to see myself as He saw me.
His Holy vessel.
Loved, cherished, and pure.