He watches me.

Psalm 31:7Music has been a huge part of my healing journey.  Ironically, it can be both a trigger and a comfort. My husband and I used to argue over what station to keep the radio on.  He liked anything but current music, and I only wanted to listen to the songs that were new and recent.

There were times where I would abruptly change the channel and he would change it back. I would just sit there wide-eyed, angry and silent.  I would stare out of the window chasing the darkness away in my mind as it twirled to the beat, taunting me with images.  Not all songs were bad.  Sometimes a song would evoke a good memory, and I’d sing along.  I am sure it was confusing to him.  It was confusing to me.

At most of my counseling sessions, I would come in and bring up the song that triggered me and talk about why it bothered me. I started to put words to my darkness.  I started to say what I had been singing in my mind for years.   The lyrics made sense of the silence and the secrets. It was painful.

But God is gracious.  I would also hear new songs of hope and healing, songs of comfort.  I will never forget the first time I heard “Take Me To The King” by Tamela Mann, and many others.   I would talk about a song at almost every counseling session, and many times it was a song I had just heard moments before on the twenty-minute drive to her office.

At one particular session I brought in a box we had been working on and I opened it to show her all that was inside. The inside of the box was filled with words clipped from magazines that were things about me I wanted to hide.  The outside of the box was covered with words to describe me that I am ok with others seeing.

Here is a peek inside just one inside corner of the box:

Eyes

It was brave, and I remember feeling like all of those words said everything.  When I left that night I heard an amazing version of “His Eye is On The Sparrow” – and I sang it as the sun set on the drive home.  I wrote about it here:  His Eye Is On This Sparrow

And then, a year later a gentleman walked into my office to see me, and had a CD called It’s Healing Time – with “His Eye Is On The Sparrow” as the first song.  I wrote about it too:  It’s Healing Time

AND THEN, just last week, I was on my way to my new ‘every two weeks’ counseling session and the Tanya Blount/Lauryn Hill version of “His Eye is On The Sparrow” came on again!  I recorded it because I have only heard this version play on the radio twice, and I can’t find it on iTunes.  Right at the end, they were singing,  “I know He watches, I know He watches, I know He watches….”

AND IT HIT ME!

HE watches me.  

I walked into her office and played the song and pointed up and said, “HE watches me.  He saw it all.  He knows.

HE was watching me when he was watching me.

He saw what I went through.  There was another set of eyes in that room, and He has never taken His eyes off of me.  He was with me in the pain and the shame.”

It was Healing.  It was Time, and it all connected in a beautiful redemptive way.

God restores everything.   He redeems all of the pieces.  He brings order to chaos.

I wrote this on Friday, and left it as a draft.  We went away for the weekend as a family so we missed church, and on the way home my daughter insisted we have church in the car.  So we played some worship music while she prepared her sermon.  I snapped her picture and wrote down her words on Instagram:

{#Church in the car. My girl is looking up verses on #BibleGateway and preaching a sermon… “God watches us always.” She started in the beginning (Genesis 1) to the birth of Jesus (Luke 2) to Revelation ending in amen. A timeline, a storyline. God was there from beginning to end …. Always watching us. God loves us. He keeps an eye on the sparrow – He keeps his eye on us. He’s always there… Watching us. Loving us.  #BeStillMyHeart #ThankYouJesus 🎶His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He Watches Me!🎶}

The title of her sermon?  “God Watches Us Always.”  She even quoted the verse about the sparrow and requested we play “His Eye Is On The Sparrow” at the end.

Out of the mouths of babes.  Oh my heart!

God is so BIG and HE weaves everything together for our good.  If you haven’t trusted Him with your healing – GO FOR IT.   He’s watching you now.  He was watching you then.  He’s waiting patiently with open arms, to heal and restore ALL that was taken and to redeem ALL that was lost.

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31

Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee:

& Bonnie Gray:

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14 thoughts on “He watches me.

  1. This really comforts my heart today, Michelle. He watches me! It’s so amazing how God reinforced that truth again and again to you, even in a “sermon” from your daughter. 🙂 That is so touching! Thank you for reminding me of God’s ever-watchful care and compassion. Hugs!

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    1. Trudy,
      Thank you Trudy for your kind words! He is faithful to show us the truth, and speak His love to our heart. He is and has always been with us. The short sermon from my daughter summed it up and blew me away! Thank you again, I am so very thankful for your encouragement! Hugs to you, friend!

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  2. I shared with my youngest son yesterday not to sing a certain song because it caused me to have negative memories… Your blog hit home with me. Also, I love the song His Eye is on the Sparrow. Amazing how God uses little details in our lives that let us know He’s watching and that we are not alone. I don’t know you or others on these blogs personally, but God uses what you and others write to let me know the same thing that He’s watching… And most of all that He loves us. Thanks so much for sharing. Wonderful reminder of God’s presence!

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    1. Liz,
      Thank you so much for stopping by and for your encouraging words. Your words resonate with me and I am thankful for you. I pray you find even more songs like His Eye Is On The Sparrow to encourage and uplift your heart in the journey! The music notes page on here are songs that made a powerful impact on me in my healing. Many were played on repeat!! I am praying for you!

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  3. Michelle, this is so beautiful – “God restores everything”. He is SO GOOD! Thanks for sharing your heart today with your sisters. Love you! Visiting from #tellhisstory.

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    1. Karmen,
      Thank you for asking that question, sweet friend. One of the most significant moments in my healing was finding Him in the room, knowing that I had a witness who saw everything. His eyes gave me His perspective on blame and shame. Once HIS light entered that cave of darkness, it shined over every crevice in each room and gently poured truth into my manipulated mind. HIS eyes also gave me glimpses of His perfect grace for me and His perfect timing. His eyes gave me purpose. My emotions have been all over the place on this journey, and I have been angry, but I was never angry to know He was watching. It was the very thing that brought me deep cleansing healing. Now that I have found Him in the room ~ He has full access to redeem and restore. I am no longer alone. All those years I thought I was alone, abandoned and unwanted by God I realize now … He was with me every moment.

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