Wrecked

Never Alone Deuteronomy 31:6

My son and I were sitting at the stoplight when we felt the impact that pushed us into the car in front of us.  The mason jars in the back made it sound like glass shattering, but the noise that had my focus was my son yelling in panic, “What just happened??  Are we going to die?”

I sat there wide-eyed assuring him that everything was going to be okay and that we were fine.  I saw the person in front me get out of their car to call 911, so I called my husband.

As we were waiting for the police to come, my husband and kids ran up and my girl was crying.  I stood with fear flashing in the glow of the blue lights and looked into her puffy eyes and hugged her tight whispering “Everything is going to be okay.  I promise.”

I assured them it was all going to be just fine.

Then my youngest saw my car, and he was upset because our car was broken. He wondered aloud can we fix it and what are we going to do, along with many, many other questions.

My heart was still pounding, as I brought three terrified kids home alone.  When we walked into the dark house, my youngest reminded me that I promised them hot chocolate.  So after making and spilling and cleaning up an entire large mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows, we made our weary climb up the steps to rest.

Yes, I said they could all sleep in my bed.  Life is short.  We are scared.  We are counting our blessings.  So they all piled in, with my oldest sideways at the foot of the bed.  We prayed.

My first tear fell as I listened to their tender prayers.

“God, help me to forget that today happened.  Help me to not hear that noise.  Please make it stop replaying in my mind.”

“God, I’m so afraid.  Help me to not be scared.  I was so afraid.  I knew something bad was going to happen today. Thank you that mommy and brother are okay.”

“God, thank you no one was hurt, but please fix our car.  Help the police.  Make it all better.”

I prayed last with my voice quaking, thanking God for protecting us.  We were all fine, but I was exhausted and incredibly sad.

I could not sleep.  At All.

It hit me, that even a minor fender bender was major in the eyes and heart of a child.  I desperately wanted them to know that we were all going to be okay and that they did not have to worry.  I wanted to protect them and make them feel safe.  I wanted them to have sweet dreams.

And then I thought of her, the little girl in me.  

Alone.  Scared to death.  Silent.

No one told her it was going to be okay and that everything would be fine. 

Just the opposite.  

She could never tell.  If she said anything really bad things would happen and it would be all her fault.

And then I thought of my kids again and how it is almost impossible to get them to keep a secret for any length of time, no matter what!

And I remembered what it was like for her tiny shoulders to carry the responsibility of keeping the secrets from everyone, all the time.

I was wrecked.

And it is here in the scattered debris from the wreckage – God meets me.

He takes me into His lap and holds my little girl hand as I share the words with Him that were used to make me silent and afraid.

My chest heaves as I sob the heavy weight away, the years of very real fears from lies that were whispered in the darkness.  Lies that were far too heavy for a little girl to bear.

He holds me close and speaks truth into my broken heart as I rest in His arms.

My child, you are strong and courageous. You don’t have to be afraid or terrified because of them, for I am with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. {Deuteronomy 31:6}

Maybe you are feeling weary and wrecked?  Maybe you can still faintly hear the lies that were whispered into your ear.  You are not alone.  He is with you. Take a moment to rest and let the truth of this beautiful song wash over you.   Listen and Believe.

Linking up with the Faith Barista {Bonnie Gray}
Beloved Brews Linkup

Suzie Eller

LIVEFREETHURSDAY

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17 thoughts on “Wrecked

  1. Visiting from the Beloved Brews.
    Thank you so much for this post!
    Thank you for sharing your heart, and for the song I’d never heard before, Wash. It hits a spot in me, a tender spot for my daughter. Secrets, lies, anxiety, how desperately we need to let his words wash over us.
    I’m SO GLAD that God met you in the experience with your kids. I bless him for working in your life!
    (I’m gushing, sorry.)
    Great to meet you.
    Beth

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    1. Beth,
      Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. I am so thankful the song blessed you ~ the lyrics are so very powerful and her story on YouTube is powerful too! (Ilonka – Something Beautiful). I am so thankful you stopped by. Your comment encouraged my heart.

      Like

  2. Oh Michelle. I’m so sorry that happened, and I’m grateful you all are ok. I admire how you communicate with your children in the midst of their fears. How sad that out of indescribable fear you had to keep silent as a child. I’m so glad God is giving you the courage to speak out today. May Jesus wrap the little girl inside you in His safe and loving arms!

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  3. Dear Michelle, Thanks, beautiful writing. What a scary accident, but what a blessing! I thanks God that you was not crashed neither as a little girl before nor a mature woman now. You are incredible strong. It is a blessing for me to read your writing. Thanks.

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  4. Michelle,

    This is my first time to your blog, and I was very touched by your story. I am sorry about the hurt you experienced when you were a little girl. I understand too well how the selfishness of others can ‘wreck’ us. But our God is greater. He has promised to restore our brokenness for good!

    Thank you for following my blog at incrementalhealing.wordpress.com I am going to subscribe here as well. I am looking forward to getting to know you better. I pray we can be an encouragement to one another as we walk this path toward wholeness and joy!

    Blessings,
    Kamea

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    1. Karmen,
      So good to hear from you! I am so thankful for you and for your encouragement. I love your verse and your tagline on your blog!! It’s the Truth and you do it well. You inspire me 🙂 Thank you!!

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  5. Loved the song at the end…so peaceful and true…soothing to the soul. Thanks for sharing your story. It is an encouragement to me. I know only too well about carrying secrets on little shoulders. It was never intended for us to carry them…I’m so glad that God meets us where we are and carries us in our pain.

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    1. Liz,
      Thank you for your kind words. That song has been such a blessing to me! I am thankful this post encouraged you, but I am so sorry for your pain. Praise Jesus that He carries us and brings others alongside us in this journey to remind us that we are not alone! Thank you for your courage and transparency!

      Liked by 1 person

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