It was hard because I said the hard stuff. I went there…to the really dark places.
And it really hurt. I was very angry.
For weeks Pandora has not worked on our TV upstairs. I like to have music to fill the quiet space and I like it loud. I love it when it surprises me. This morning Pandora worked and I was thrilled. I put it on Mumford and Sons radio because I am recently loving their new album. This song came on and it was one of those turn around and just stare at the title because I didn’t want to forget it and I wanted it hear it again and again.
The version I heard was Falling Slowly – by Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova ….
I can relate to many of the Lyrics. almost all. But, the part that really stuck out to me was this one line:
Take this sinking boat and point it home
we’ve still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
you’ve made it now…
Then in our Bible Study of Daniel by Beth Moore on Sunday evening – we were watching the video, and at the very end she began to talk about how we are holy vessels and sometimes our holy vessels have been used to toast an unholy cause. She had us state a declaration of Holiness over our life – and it was incredibly hard for me. I just wanted to sink through the floor …. and when it was over I abruptly ran to my car. When I got in the car I literally just collapsed over the steering wheel and while driving with tears – I prayed out loud:
“I believe you in my head but please help me believe you in my heart. I don’t feel it and I want to so desperately. Help me to believe you. Please help me.” This was the first time I recall speaking the words as I prayed.
Much like the father in Mark 9:24 who was asking Jesus to heal his son:
About half way into our prayer time, I started to sit up and suddenly prayed out loud all the while lifting my head up straight to the ceiling…my prayer got louder and my voice was stronger – bold! My physical posture was lifted to the Most High. It was incredibly powerful.
He lifted me – He gave me my voice.
Assurance of God’s Protection
A Song of Ascents.
from where will my help come?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
my glory, and the One who lifts up my head.
4 I cry aloud to the Lord,
and He answers me from His holy mountain. Selah