“If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all!” I heard that a lot growing up, and would mutter under my breath, “Fine, it is going to be quiet then!”
That is where I am right now. I wanted this to be a place that is uplifting and full of hope, but the truth is LIFE IS HARD. Sometimes, very hard… and lately my desire to be honest and transparent mixed with my desire to encourage others just makes me want to hide. Putting on the smile and replying, “I’m doing great! How are you?” Well, that is easy for me. So, in my attempt to be honest and real – I hope in some Big God way you will find this uplifting and full of hope.
The truth is:
1) This week I heard the song “Take Me To The King” by Tamela Mann and I have listened to it over and over and over, and I have cried and cried and cried. Wow, it hit the spot for me. Another song, “Need You Now” by Plumb….whew!
2) The broken font dream caused me to go out and buy colored pencils and I am journaling by hand now in my dream created broken font…I will share the first page with you:
3) I purchased these at Michael’s, and I do plan to hang them on the wall somewhere for me to look at daily…and yes, I need to be reminded.
4) I have all kinds of pink glittery nail polish now and wearing it really helps. Really, wearing anything pink helps.
5) I prayed for courage – and I asked others to pray for me to have courage…and I took a baby step. A very hard baby step, but I took it.
6) I am angry. I am sad. I am disappointed. I am hurt. I am crushed. But, for the first time in my life I am not alone. I am not alone. I know I am not alone, and I know I am loved deeply and personally and intimately by God. He is showing up for me in ways that blow my mind and make me think I am crazy – but the truth is in this so desperate state – I seek Him, I look for Him, I cry out to Him – and he is there. It gives me chills to think about it.
7) Oh, my kids. What a gift! Their words, their actions, their responses – point me to Christ. Recently, I find my interactions with them relate to very personal lessons I am learning from God. Out of their mouth I hear His Wisdom, His Insight. How I wish I had their courage, their faith!
8) In all of this – Life continues….being a wife and mom, packing lunches, coffee, work, coffee, making dinner, exercise, grocery store… Where before I seemed to balance it all fairly well – I mess up lately. I give myself grace (and extra coffee) and I continue to focus on what is really important – Eternity.
Big Truth: I am “The Apple Of His Eye.” (and you are 2!)
So, in church last Sunday our pastor said – the word trumpet is only used in this context a few times in the Bible and he mentioned Zechariah so my friend and I looked at each other and she said Chapter 2, so I went to chapter 2 and she went to chapter 2 and we started reading… this is what I found and marked:
And it was one of those incredible “deep warmth to your soul” moments. I don’t think I heard another word of the sermon because there was just intimate worship going on right there on that pew! Afterwards, I said to her – “Wow, how did you know that was in Chapter 2? Someone said to me recently – you are the apple of His eye – and I really didn’t get it.” She said, “Well, I didn’t say Chapter 2, I said it’s in that chapter too! (meaning Chapter 9). But when I saw you go to Chapter 2 I went there too and was like Wow!”
Yes, He is a Big God who loves us intimately and personally. He shows up in Big Ways when we seek Him. We will find Him. He Loves US as the Apple of His Eye. We are not alone.
As David prayed in Psalm 17:8
Keep me as the apple of your eye, hide me in the shadow of your wing.